Crisis of confidence…support…distance PB

You all know how much I love my running. I love the challenges, the feeling of achieving what I set out do, the runs where incredible, unplanned things happen and everything else associated with running. But I appear to have lost my confidence.

I ran on Tuesday and hurt my leg. I decided that I needed to rest (apart from Pilates) and do no running until at least Friday. I went out for a run on Friday after school with my friend and found it really tough. much tougher than normal. I was having a total mental battle trying to push to the end of the mile and not stop. I didn’t want to give up (and somehow I didn’t) but my mind was screaming at me that I couldn’t do it. That I needed to give up. That I was a failure. I was having a huge mental battle with myself and just about won, but my confidence in my running wasn’t good.

Sunday morning came, and I was hoping it would bring with it the motivation to run. But sadly it my motivation was at an all time low (something I haven’t experienced before) and running was the last thing I wanted to do – especially when my friend R text me to say she wasn’t coming running with me. I had the perfect get-out. As the day went on I kept thinking I should go for a run, but I wasn’t itching to get out there like normal. It was going to be a mission to drag myself out there, if I got out there at all.

I have to say that without the tweets and messages from @Andyjread and @runmaniauk, along with many others I wouldn’t have gone out for a run. They both said that they believed in me, they had confidence in me, they supported me. They also said that getting out there is the hard part – I can definitely say that this was true for me. It was suggested that I go out and just run. Leave my watch at home, not worry about distance, time, pace. Just run and enjoy it with none of the added pressures. So that is exactly what I did…

Ok, so I didn’t leave my watch at home. I cannot bear to be parted from it. I still haven’t worked out an exact route that is a mile and I like to know how far I have run. I did, however, make a deal with myself. I was only allowed to look at my watch when it beeped with my mile split. I wasn’t allowed to look at my pace, how far I had gone, or how long I had been running. I turned off the virtual pacer too. It was actually really freeing. I didn’t feel like I was in a battle to try and go faster than before or further than before or having to stay at a certain pace or battle to get to that pace. I could just run and enjoy the feeling of running.

The first mile felt tough, but I fought through it (with the help of my fab running playlist) and decided that I was going to tackle the hill. I was going to give it my best shot and try to run all the way to the top. I had never managed it before. I had run about two thirds of the way up before but could never get to the top. I’m pretty sure it was a combination of sheer determination, shouting at myself “come the **** on” and hearing the words of my friend Andy in my head telling me that I could do it, that I was strong, that he believed in me, that powered me to the top of the hill. I will admit that I almost had a moment when I got to the top, there were almost tears of joy, but instead I just kept running. And then I ran some more. I tackled the hill again and got three quarters of the way up and then had to walk to rest, then I ran some more and just kept going. It felt incredible. It has never felt so good. I tackled the hill one more time and got three quarters of the way up again. I walked the rest of the way to the top ran some more and then turned to head home (still running). I had a sneaky check of my watch (I know – I couldn’t resist), knowing that I had already gone past my previous distance PB and was amazed to see that I was at 4.7 miles and still feeling strong. I decided that I was going to get to 5 miles of I could. And that is exactly what I did. 5 miles in 1 hour 10 minutes.

Where that came from I will never know. I had no idea that i could run that far. That my legs would go that far. That my mind would be so free of doubts and lack of belief that i could get that far. That I didn’t give up. And my mile times were pretty consistent – that shocked me too! It felt incredible to run without the pressures I normally put on myself. I’m hoping that this breakthrough helps with my confidence.

I AM A RUNNER!

The message and support on Twitter when I posted my distance and time was incredible and totally overwhelming. If any of you lovely people and followers from Twitter also read my blog, I just want to say once again how truly grateful and thankful I am for the amazing messages you send me and the support you give me.  Little me doesn’t deserve all of the lovely things that get said. I’m just a girl (woman) who fell in love with running, constantly battles with confidence and self-belief and sometimes finds things hard. I’m not special, I don’t feel inspiring, I’m just me.

A special mention goes to my friend Andy. He won’t take any credit, but I am pretty sure that I wouldn’t have made as much progress as I have with my running without him. He believes in me and has confidence in me, he is always there encouraging me, supporting me, celebrating my successes (no matter how small) and has even agreed to run a 10k with me in November! I will never forget the most lovely thing of tweeting about me hoping to do a distance PB and asking for people to support me and retweet etc. I was at the Airport in Paris, logged onto twitter and saw all of these amazing messages (and felt incredibly emotional). I cannot wait to run the 10k with him so I can totally smash it as my way of saying thank you.

I am truly thankful that I have such amazing friends and family who support me and encourage me (even if they think i’m bonkers for running!)

If you have read this far – you have done well (I’m pretty sure this is a mammoth post!)

This is my second time of writing it as my previous version got lost in the internet somewhere (cries!) so I hope it is ok!

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Happy running

K x

I’m raising money for The Matt Hampson Foundation by taking part in 2016 Adidas Silverstone Half Marathon. If you would like to sponsor me visit http://www.virginmoneygiving.com/KimberleyMiles

To find out more about the Matt Hampson Foundation please visit: http://matthampsonfoundation.org/

Friday distance PB. Sunday runday…with a friend. My fastest ever mile. Injured.

Being back at school (work) means less time for writing my blog, so please accept my apologies for this being so late in the week!

My running has been going well recently and last Friday I ran my first ever 5k without walking. I set off a little slower than I had been and used the virtual pacer option on my Garmin Forerunner 15 (finally worked out how to set it up properly!). I was feeling good and just wanted to go out there and see how far I could run. I had been at school all day, but I was determined to give my all on my run and see what happened. And right from the start I was like a woman on a mission. I was enjoying my evening run (even though it was starting to get dark). My legs didn’t feel heavy; i felt strong (but my breathing wasn’t great) and I just kept going and digging deep. before I knew it I was almost at 5k and just had to get there. There was something in me that kept saying, “don’t give up”, “not much further”, ” you are strong”. It helped that one of my favourite songs came on just as I was starting to think I couldn’t keep going.

I was incredibly proud that I had somehow managed to run the whole way – something I hadn’t managed before. And added to that I maintained a fairly consistent pace over the three miles which is something I was quite conscious of trying to do in my runs, as I tend to go off too fast and then slow down. 

Shocked? Yes. Proud? Yes. Overwhelmed? Totally.

Saturday’s run wasn’t as good. It was so hot outside and I managed 2 miles before I had to head back home. I hadn’t taken any water with me, had a really dry mouth and was so hot I didn’t and probably couldn’t have run much further. Looking back I shouldn’t have gone out when I did, but you live and learn and I’m still very much a beginner and learning each time I run. 

Learning not only about all things running, but about myself and each thing I learn about myself is amazing. I mean I wouldn’t have been that mentally strong to push through and run a whole 5k a few weeks ago and that’s a big thing I’ve learned – I am strong in body and mind, but I’m also still a work in progress. Changing for the better each and every day, but still being me.

Sunday should have been a rest day for me, meaning no running. My friend (R) text me and asked if she could run with me. I never run with anyone else and usually listen to music. Of course, those of you who have read my blog for a while know how much I love running, so I obviously said yes! I wasn’t going to pass up a chance to run, or a chance to run with my friend.

Even though she’s doesn’t really run herself, R always asks how my running is going and is always proud of what I achieve. She is trying to do couch to 5 but finding it hard to fit it in with working and a 13 month old (my gorgeous goddaughter). As it was supposed to be my rest day the plan was to do a gentle run, enjoy it and have fun.

R led us off on our run and we set off at a pace of around 12 minutes per mile (a pace that I’m not sure I have ever run before!) I was using my watch to track our distance and pace. We reached about half a mile and I was feeling good despite the pace, but R walked for a little bit and then ran to catch up. I ran the whole mile in a time of 12.40 mins – my fastest ever mile! (where that came from I will never know!) I’m pretty sure I was inspired by Viv, Danielle, BoudicaBlues and so many others who had done so amazingly with their half marathons at The Great North Run and Bristol. I was so incredibly proud of them all.

We then walked for a little bit and then ran some more together. R asked me to lead us off at the pace that I normally run and we were able to chat as we were running rather than gasping for breath (me!). We alternated between walk and run and then R asked how far a 5k was and I told her. She wanted to carry on and do a 5k. so we did.

I led us off for the last mile and R was determined she was going to run the whole of the last mile. She dug deep, she kept going and she ran the whole last mile. She definitely kept me going when the last 0.2 miles was hard. I was so proud of her, she definitely inspired me with her gutsiness.

And it can’t have been too bad because she asked to go running with me again!

It was strange running with someone else, but good strange. It was nice to be able to chat along the way and the miles seemed to go quicker too. We will definitely run together again. Maybe I’ll convince her to do a race with me at some point!

I tweeted about my run with my friend and received some messages saying that I inspire and motivate people. That was totally overwhelming. I never think of myself as being inspiring. I’m just me. A girl who has fallen in love with running, who has met some incredible people through running, and is blogging and tweeting her journey.

I had a total rest on Monday. I think it was definitely deserved! Although I did walk a good few miles at work! But definitely no running. Tuesday after school arrived and I was eager to run. I ran a mile and felt a twinge in my calf. Stupidly i thought I could walk it off. How wrong I was. I walked for another mile and barely made it back to the house. My calf hurt, my shin hurt, my ankle hurt, my achilles hurt, my big toe hurt and my heel hurt. I was feeling really sorry for myself. I just wanted to run. 

I have no idea what it could be but I am putting myself on a running rest until at least Friday, if not the weekend, in the hope that whatever it is recovers by then.

I hate not being able to run. But I know that this is for the best.

It’s funny how odd it feels to not run and how much I’ve realised it impacts on my mood! Running definitely makes me happy, but when I can’t run the special people I have the privilege of talking to and getting to know on twitter, my non-running friends and my family put huge smiles on my face too.
Stay amazing you lovely people. Be proud of everything you achieve, no matter how small you think it might be. Celebrate you and always be you.

You are enough…

…and I now know that I am enough.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Happy running

K x

I’m raising money for The Matt Hampson Foundation by taking part in 2016 Adidas Silverstone Half Marathon. If you would like to sponsor me visit http://www.virginmoneygiving.com/KimberleyMiles

To find out more about the Matt Hampson Foundation please visit: http://matthampsonfoundation.org/

I’m in love with running…… a new PB, compression tights and hecklers

I have a confession…

When I started running I wanted to lose weight, I wanted to challenge myself and I wanted to be more active. I had decided I was going to start training and run a half marathon. That was it. I didn’t think I would like running. In fact I was pretty sure that I was going to only get through the half marathon through sheer determination not to disappoint people.

How wrong was I? You have all read about some of my challenges and tears over running, but I can honestly say that I am now totally in love with running! Yes, I know. Who would’ve thought it?

Why do I love running you may be wondering, well here goes:

1. It makes me happy – I smile all the time, i feel good about myself, I like who I see in the mirror now.
2. I have met some incredible friends through running, who support me and inspire me every day and are just amazing, awesome people.
3. It has made me challenge myself
4. I feel incredible – I feel fitter and stronger than ever.
5. There is no feeling like the runner’s high you get after a run
6. I get to have me time
7. It is perfectly ok after a run to spend time lying on the floor or lying with your legs up the wall.
8. Anyone can do it.

Smiling after a run! (lay on the floor!)

If any of you are reading this and are considering taking up running, do it! It will change your life. And if you aren’t on Twitter and you are a runner, I would seriously recommend joining and getting involved with talking to runners on there. You will find such amazing support and advice.

Running news…

I have been keeping up with my running now I am back at school, even though all I want to do when I get home is have a nap! I’m determined to keep this up – I have a 10k to get ready for!

I ran twice on Monday because it was way too hot when I first went out, so I split my 4.5 miles into 1 mile and 3.5 miles.I have another 4.5 miles to run later this week and I’m going to try my best to run as far as I can. I will keep you posted!

I also have a new 5K PB. I ran on Tuesday night after school and somehow smashed my 5K PB – the strange thing was I hadn’t even planned to try and get a PB. I’m pretty sure my new compression tights had something to do with it – I literally felt like I could do anything. My 5k PB now stands at 42:48.3 mins. It felt incredible when I realised it had happened and I had the biggest smile on my face for the rest of the evening. Total runners high.

In other news…

I’ve also had the unfortunate experience of having 3 delightful individuals shouting things and beeping their horns at me when I was running. How do they think that this is acceptable behaviour? I mean seriously?? What is up with that? My particular favourite has to be “get them out”. When I first started running I think this would have upset me or annoyed me, but I realised that I couldn’t do anything about it and instead it spurred me on when I was running and I think I even carried on running for longer than I would have done.

Thank you for reading and commenting.

Happy running

K x

I’m raising money for The Matt Hampson Foundation by taking part in 2016 Adidas Silverstone Half Marathon. If you would like to sponsor me visit www.virginmoneygiving.com/KimberleyMiles

To find out more about the Matt Hampson Foundation please visit: http://matthampsonfoundation.org/